Gangsta

NZ is kinda same like Mr.AB, their nationality is different but same as Morocco mixed with Spain. Kinda unexpected he said yes when I required that we need to know more than a month before met.
But we met after a week of talk. It was really nice to be with him but some time he reminded me about AB with those bad memories. Hug me generously and said will give me time to get over it.

He called me every morning to wake me up, the sweetest one that i ever met.
He would be there whenever i need him.

It's really great to be with him since i am a hyper insecure person.

We broke up after a month because of a tiny matter in a trip.
Location same as AB abandoned me.
A thousand question marks in my mind during the journey.

A month later he texted me back, it actually ruined one of my day.
Crying for hours when i was in the ruthless moment.
I do not understand why you texted me back and just saying sorry.
Do not bring it back when I moved on.

A week later, I texted him because of biological parents stuff.
I can not stop my tears and he came to me.
He acted like we never been apart, I was avoiding his hand and kiss at the first.
I keep my silence when he hugging me.
I am kinda regret for not asking at the first and let the thing happened.

He apologized to me and said regret for what he did to me last month.
We got back together because of  those sweetly memories that we had.
I thought we could handle the problem better since we been apart and could be treat each other nicer.

We talked to each other honestly like why were we broke up at the trip.
First time we know each other step by step and were going with the flows.
Secondly we got back it quick and it makes me feel hyper insecure again.

The first week he came to me whenever I need his companies, even tho he had his exams.
Maybe it is my fault, people getting greedy once they lured deeper.
He is actually being careless compared to the last time. Maybe of the exams or I hurt him before.

I know I should not be like this, I should not keep asking for the same question repeatedly.
I can feel he's started to be lack of patience on my questions.

He told me several part of my weaknesses in the relationship.
Everyone have the right to says no to the thing they do not want to.
I should not feel mad when he says no. Maybe I should speak and fix the problem instead of be quiet.

But I do not why he started to be careless or I should take it as the real of him.

He asked me to bear for my own bills if we were going to the beach next week.
I called several of friends and ask them to teach me to speak it in a softly way.
Maybe just say yes and be with him if he wanted me to be there.

I asked him to wake me up in the second morning, he said no again.
Yea he started to say plenty of no on my requests.

This is our second time we been together, I cared him more than the first.
Maybe no more comparing NZ and AB, I lure in quick and deep in a week. Almost forgotten the previous lesson and scar but I just feel he's in the opposite way, lesser and lesser.

Maybe because of my greedy and he just keep saying as you wish when I tried to breakup.
I started to feel that he might feeling guilty to me since he said he dreamt about me crying.
I do not like this kind of relationship, like I am the only one who keep trying to put afford on it.

I tried to be cold today, and did what he told me.
Do not stay home and hangout with friend, tried to reduce the attention on him.
He called me when I was having dinner with Yap.
I do not know why  the relationship could be co complicated.

He might not my type and not the one I want.
But do not why or what making me so desperately to wanna be with him.

Maybe time will proves all the lies and promises.
He started to be like AB now.